What is glossophobia? It’s the fear of public speaking and something I hate the most. No matter how hard I avoid speaking , the environment creates a platform that requires everyone to talk . In school, I was the student that would not make eye contact with the teacher. I figured if we made eye contact there was a higher chance of them calling my name. I never liked introducing myself or presenting to a crowd of people. I’m not sure how I dread speaking in front of groups of people, but I was a cheerleader and jazz/tap dancer, go figure.. Maybe it was the fact I felt comfortable performing as a group rather than by myself. Either way, as I continue to grow I notice there is no escape for public speaking. So instead of hiding it’s time to face the music,awkward stares, and everything else public speaking may bring.
I can now say I really enjoy volunteering . Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t always have a heart for it but my thinking changed and I now have an appreciation to give . At first the thought of volunteering was more of a task than a genuine service. In college , as most of you may know, you have to get service hours as a part of graduation requirements. Well , I did but it was mostly buying canned goods for shelter homes because I wanted the weekend to myself.. lol smh. After graduating I started volunteering with dental clinics to get hours and because I love the dental environment.
My first volunteer position was to carry a spit bucket from station to station , eww is right. The suctioning dental assistants do in people’s mouths has to go somewhere and where there’s volunteer clinics you’ll find pre dentals emptying those nasty bottles . Another time I helped sterilize the dental instruments. One Saturday , as I was giving dental bags to people, a patient started crying saying, ” Thank you so much , this all means so much to me!” That’s when my thinking changed. All this time I didn’t think I was doing much.
I wasn’t the hygienist that cleaned teeth , not the dentist that alleviated pain , and not the techs that’s creating the dentures . I’m simply me and the patient says ‘thank you’ . This inspired me 100 percent and it seems after my thinking shifted the volunteer positions changed as well. I know its like a first come first serve with the positions at the clinic but I was able to assist the dentist and chart teeth ( which is a big deal for me because I’m not certified ..hee hee).
I had similar moments volunteering with Habitat for Humanity and a local christian radio station where God was /continues to show me how to serve. Ephesians 6:7 states ,’Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people’. It has become one of my favorite encouraging scriptures to recite especially in the workplace .
No matter how big or small your service may seem or to be in a place where you feel useless know that God recognizes not only the quality of your work but your heart as well! 🙂
I’m not sure what numbed my nerves and gave me confidence to become a lyft driver especially being an introvert! I just remembered being anxious from not working and YouTube videos of Uber/Lyft sounding cool and I was up for the challenge. So I applied, submitted my information , and a few days later I met with a mentor so they could give me a heads up on things and evaluate my car.
A couple of days flew by ..maybe a week or two and I finally got the notification of being approved to drive, yayyy! Full of excitement and readiness to chauffeur the world , I switched my lyft app to ‘online’ to let people know I was available. I then decided to look at YouTube videos of the do’s and dont’s with lyft . Within 20-30 mins. of being ‘available’ I received a pickup request! All of my excitement went away and reality reminded me of the fact ” you do know you just made yourself available to pick up strangers in your car, right?” I immediately switched my availability off …for like a month lol .
I know , why go through the emotions ? Well , I liked challenging myself to converse with people and it was a different kind of experience . So one Saturday I finally decided to move forward with the process. I picked up two ladies that were on their way to a college football game. On the way there they mostly talked amongst themselves which was great for me because I didn’t know what to talk about and I wasn’t a big sports fan. The last few minutes we spoke about marriage and the ‘stress tooth ‘ ball I have in my car that reminds me to stay focused on dentistry. Very random but smooth first lyft ride! I recommend for all my brave introverts :-)!
First, I have to thank my WP friend, beautybeyondbones , for inspiring me to write a letter to my younger self. Make sure to check out her page!!
Dear younger Ash,
Where do I begin? You, my friend, will come a longggg way! Let me say your confidence will improve. I know for the moment you think you can’t do anything without your friends. Matter of fact , your first year in college you’ll be so nervous to eat by yourself in the cafeteria that some days/nights , you’ll rely on your snacks in your dorm to get you through the next day. You won’t walk with your head down and you’ll recognize your unique style ,no longer following the majority. The year you transfer schools, you’ll not only be changing location but it will be a complete transformation for you.
Your relationship with God will continue to get better. He’s not someone from your history textbook, he’s real and will reveal himself to you on a deeper level. Now, the college you transfer to will not be easy. You’ll cry from the threats they will give when you can’t afford tuition. You’ll cry from the roommates because they are the worse..except for one. You’ll still have a hard time expressing yourself , walking past crowds of people to get to the library , trying to fit in, and sadly it now reflects your grades. However, through all of this God will be at your rescue I promise.
Lol, I know you’re like “great! now do I ever get into a true relationship with a guy?” Well , yes you do..eventually. I wish I could somehow let you know how beautiful you are. Let you know you can stop flipping through the magazines to read horoscopes that will never happen. I wish I could stop you from the people you think you’re attracted to and the weird online chats. You’ll be heartbroken ..plenty of times ..but you will heal. Going through this builds character, you won’t be naïve , and you’ll finally meet someone who gets you. This guy loves your flaws and all, you can truly be yourself and he loves you .
Well, I guess that’s all I will share for now I just wanted you to get excited about your future. I’ll share more when the time is right.
Untill next time,
Older Ash **